Parking Lot

Years ago I worked for an editor in publishing who was really the most productive person I have ever met, she couldn’t figure out how to print anything or access her email or voicemail, but she could read like ten manuscripts on the two-hour jitney ride between The Hamptons and Manhattan, and she could whip out jacket copy in five minutes, or have ten semi-famous authors read galleys and send in blurbs for a new book in only a few days.  One time we were at an editorial meeting and one of my fellow assistants leaned over and told me that she had felt guilty earlier that morning sitting on the bus just staring out the window, “your boss would never waste time like that, she would have been editing something!” It was true.  She was an expert at taking…

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Self Help

A few months after I got pregnant my husband and I were at the home of a good friend-couple who had just had a baby of their own a year before.  Over pizza and wine (yes, I drank wine during my pregnancy) we talked a lot about her labor and delivery experience, how he supported her, the first few months after the baby, their schedules now…etc.  As a newly pregnant woman, I wasn’t just hungry for pizza, I was also hungry for birth stories and postpartum information.  I didn’t understand at the time that I could ask a million moms about their stories and none of those stories would help me, each one is so unique and mine would be specific to me. The conversation that night veered into childcare and we were asked what I would be doing for…

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Blur

All the Moms tell me to do this and to do that. They have all the answers, I mean after all they are Moms, right? When it comes to sleep I’ve been told to stop nursing so much, to let him cry it out, to rub his back until he falls back to sleep. I take note and then fall back into what gets him asleep the fastest and me back to bed anxiously scrolling through my phone. For weeks I have been a prisoner to some esoteric nap routine that he is supposed to have dug into by now; a hill between 6AM-9AM, a deep restful valley between 9:30-11:30…etc. I wonder who these Moms are that have established routines with their babies, do they never leave the house? Moms from the 70’s told me all about rice cereal when…

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Sick Blood

The electric blood didn’t last.  I wish it would have lasted because I would have been able to focus hard on my work, get to the gym for an energetic spin on the elliptical, reach out to friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and just kick ass in life.  Electric blood gave me positive natural energy and lots of ideas, but for the week or so that I had it, I did keep wondering when the nausea would set in, or the headaches, or the dreaded fatigue that I had kept reading about.  For that first week after I found out I was pregnant, I had all kinds of weird cravings for foods I hadn’t thought about in a long time; childhood foods like ‘Nilla Wafers, Fig Newtons, malts, pizza, cheeseburgers and ruffles with sour cream dip! The second…

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Positive Pregnancy

Electric Blood

You can look up any article on early signs of pregnancy and it will give you all the same stuff, nausea, exhaustion/fatigue, headache, sore breasts, a missed period (!), and an overall feeling of just being “off.”  This last one always makes me laugh because I spend a large part of my life with an overall feeling of just being “off.”  In fact, its that feeling that has probably led me to wait as long as I have to get pregnant, and to feel so ambivalent about having a child.  Are most people so “on” all the time that just feeling “off” would motivate a search for “early signs of pregnancy,” or a trip to Walgreens for a pregnancy test? Feeling “off” a lot, had me behind the 8 ball on the early signs of pregnancy front, so instead, I…

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